I was just sitting here trying to figure out what to write today. I decided to do what I do best and browse the Internet (I'm really good at it, too bad you can't get a job browsing the web because I would be hired on the spot) when I found this article 10 SECRETS TO A LONG-LASTING MARRIAGE. I decided to read it to see if I agreed. Scott and I only have three years of marriage under our belt but I've watched my parent's very happy marriage for my entire life so I feel like I know a few things. Neat fact: My parents have been married 40 years this year! Isn't that crazy?
Anyway, here are the 10 "secrets" she lists, along with my thoughts.
1. Giving Time A Chance Relationships do get easier the longer you are in them. I know a lot about Scott now and I know what kinds of things are going to get his goat. It's nice to have that comfort of time together. Of course this can be a double-edged sword because sometimes with time and knowledge you can get lazy and stop thinking about the other person.
2. Communication With A Capitol "C" This one is HUGE for us, especially with the addition of Molly. I do tend to be an over-communicator and Scott tends to under-communicate but we really communicate with each other. We'll sit down and talk about how to make things better. We are also big into being more efficient so we'll sit down and map out a plan to do things more efficiently and along the way we end up communicating our wants and desires.
3. Respect Respecting your partner is big. If you don't respect the person you are with, then why are you with them? I try to show my respect for Scott by not telling people his secrets or sharing things that are private. I'm not perfect and I have overshared before but I try hard not to because I really respect him and want to show that.
4. Compromise Ahhhh compromise, the true secret to a happy marriage. Sometimes I really do not want to watch that stupid Sci-Fi show but I know that it will really make Scott happy to watch it. So you know what I do? I watch it and I knit and sometimes the show is pretty entertaining.
5. Sacrifice I'm always surprised to hear that other couples don't sacrifice for each other. I mean really? This is the person you have decided to spend the rest of your life with and you can't put aside your own selfish desires once in a while for them? Now I don't believe that you should sacrifice everything for anyone else but a little sacrifice at times can lead to bigger things down the road.
6. Sense of Humor Humor is a key cornerstone of Scott and I's relationship. We laugh at our faults all the time. We poke good humored fun at each other daily. The best is when we mock ourselves and then get the other laughing. We have some really good laughs together.
7. Keep Dating This one is HARD when a child. You have to arrange childcare and then figure out what to do and try not to only talk about your kid but it is important. Whenever I feel like Scott and I haven't had any good solid time together, I arrange childcare and get us a reservation at a good restaurant where we can talk, enjoy good food at a leisurely pace and have a good time. It always refreshes our relationship. We also have mini dates after Molly goes to bed. We get a movie on Amazon Instant, get a treat (peanut butter chocolate ice cream please!) and cuddle up on the couch.
8. Commitment is Crucial When Scott and I got married, I told him that he was stuck with me forever. And I really mean it. I do not commit unless I am commited! I'm also that person that goes to bed angry at you but I insist that you sleep next to me so you can feel my anger all night long. You can't escape!
9. Acceptance Along with commitment comes acceptance. You can't get married and expect your partner to change. They are who they are! I am an annoying, highly organized, have to be early person. Scott is not organized and hates being on time. But we've accepted this about each other and we compromise. We try to arrive on time to events and Scott has a pile that I organize. Everyone wins this way.
10. Remember Why You Married Your Spouse This one is easy for me. I never forget why I married Scott. I do think it is excellent advice because as time goes on and you get very comfortable, there is a natural tendency to forget why you decided to settle down with this one person. It's good to remember the excitement you had when you married them.
I think I pretty much agree with her 10 secrets. Would you add anything to this list?
one addition: I also strongly believe that having two bathrooms in your house is key to a marriage. Enough said.
ReplyDeleteHow long can my comments be?! I absolutely love this post! I think it's just a nice way to reflect on a relationship. My Scott and I have been together for 21 years this October and 16 of those years married.
ReplyDelete1. In 'time' we find ways to grow, deal with anything throw at us, laugh at the past and look forward to the future!
2. Communication...just the other day Scott was talking and going from one thing to the next then saying something totally opposite. I told him OMG is this what I sound like (because it is) and he said YES...what's happening to me. We got a great laugh! He gets my backwards communication and I get his facial communication. Sometimes words are not necessary!
3.Respect ..wow! Yes I love how smart and quick he is. He has my respect on so many levels. Sometimes I wonder why he loves me, but hey it works!
4.Compromise I love your not wanting to watch Sci-Fi and how you go about it. I find we women know compromise better than men they just deal, but find a way to be pleasant and make it fun. ha!
5.Humor ..well I think I'm hysterical and he's got that sarcastic dry humor. We've been told our kids are quite a mix of our sense of humor so I guess we've got that covered. We laugh daily sometimes it's at each other sometimes it's the comments about others like the lady buying 2 cases of Power Bars and a massive box of Tampons at Costco...yikes!
7.Dating is tough we tend to do it at around 8pm most nights a fun cooking show, comedy, drinks together, late dinner...with kids it is tough even when they are older we can go out and have a nice night on the town w/out worrying too much, but in all these years it's just nice to BE TOGETHER doesn't matter where the time is. We both miss the vacations we took while the kids were small and grandparents took them. That time has kinda come and gone with older grandparents and busy schedules, but we look a few years down the road and have that time back!
8.Commitment is such a big word. It's something that wasn't shined upon Scott or I as kids at least in the parent area. I feel like we learned lessons growing up though. We can avoid some of those bad patches and keep it together. Life without him isn't a life I care to live.
9.Acceptance..this actually makes me laugh! He accepts that I leave my shoes all over...I try hon I really do try and I swear I'm organized but he's not so convinced. I accept things like he thinks the bed doesn't have to be made "your just gonna get back in it" so I make it. Accepting the way we do things, raise the kids and have to compromise with that as well. It's all wrapped into ONE we have to sacrifice, respect, make time, laugh and communicate through life with each other and our kids. I wouldn't do things differently...
and 10. Remembering why I married this man the way he LOVES me you can't put into words he makes me feel like the only thing that matters and I believe I am (well the kids matter too) LOL!
Thanks Becki for making me smile and laugh!
Coming up on my 19th wedding anniversary, Wes and I agree that the key to our marriage is that I am always right.
ReplyDelete@lauriet - I'm going to have to agree. The first 6 months of our marriage, we only had one. Two has made a vast improvement on it.
ReplyDelete@lizgal - LOVE your list!
@jessica - Wes is a very wise man.